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Emotional Taco Bell

Friday
Woke up miserable. Biked to work. Worked.

Got my eyebrows at a new place near work. They were nice, I got them done at Prime Brows and it was easy to bike to. So I got happy about it, and my eyebrows look cool again.

I was fine honestly at work, and while riding my bike, cuz yay endorphins. James was at work, but I went over there to pick up the camera charger. He found it, it was in the car for the past few months. loooooooool!

I got home, and I immediately felt like shit.

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when people ask me how I'm doing, and I'm like "I'm ok"

Thought about crap that depressed me...like that dog situation....and one of my friend's super stupid friends getting preachy.....I"m like "Bitch, give me a solution or shut the fuck up"

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so yeah fun stuff.....I was alone, watched cartoons and cheesy movies...drew a bit...James got home late, and I knocked out.

Watched that Dragon Training movie....it was cute.

Saturday
James left for work. I did fuck all around the house. Drew depressing shit......just felt like shit for most of the day. Cried a lot. I was a fucking bummer, that I decided not to leave the house again. I made no attempts to reach out cuz I was a bummer and I felt this was for me to deal with it.

Yes, I still felt like shit over the dog, but y'know, fuck you. I don't have the resources to provide for a dog right now. Just doing what I can to make sure it's saved. If people wanna judge me or think I didn't do enough, suck my balls.

Please suck my balls. Eat a bucket of dicks. Fuck off and die.

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me all day today

I cried a bit too, that was fun.

Had too many thoughts about the future, my life, my job, everything just getting to me. I was trying to get an outfit together, and none of my clothes looked right or fit right...........

yes at my job I work 10 hour days and I eat sweets.....and I was not as active.....for the first 8 months. I feel I have gained weight. I hate it.

I could work out more, but I'm so tired from work. I do ride my bike to work everyday now, and avoid taking the bus. Since I figured out I can do the last hill and make it on time for work. I HATE dealing with the bus to put my bike on it.


I biked 9 miles on Friday. Holy fuck. I'm also glad I can do it. So No more bus.

I'll just leave the apartment on time, and just bike and walk my bike up a hill.

Yes, I hate dealing with the bus THAT MUCH. Cuz it's a pain in the ass.

I also need to stop eating sweets. I have to seriously stop.

I dont' go to the gym as much cuz of the bike ride....and I want to cancel my membership cuz I don't go more than once a week. Cuz it's a PAIN IN THE ASS TO GO AND I AM FUCKING TIRED FROM WORK.

But I need to be more active. Cuz my depression is getting stupid.

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But hey I'm active so yay. I never thought I'd be biking to work everyday and doing yoga and sneaking in a gym day, and somehow find time to do artwork.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to take a nap, I cried more. James came home. We hung out, and he took me out to dinner to cheer me up. Did laundry and just chilling at home.

I get stupid about the future. I get stupid about my life. I get weird that I sometimes feel like I just don't have control, when I do.

It gets annoying. VERY ANNOYING.

I'm 34, I need to figure this shit out NOW. Cuz I don't wanna be a loser in 10 years. I don't want to be another tragic Hollywood loser story. I don't want that bullshit. I just want a nice life for James and I.

I feel sad that most of my friends are doing well, and I feel left behind sometimes.

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me on weekends.

I want a good life, I want nice things, I want people to say good thing about me, I want to be successful.

Just how? How the fuck do I do that balancing a day job that I don't hate to pay bills, and trying to deal with my comics...and promoting myself and putting myself where I want to be.

Cuz I sometimes dont' know that either.

I wish I hot enough to be a Youtube Celebrity....but no. NO. so yeah.

laundry got done. James and I are chilling out.

Watching tv and blogging. yeah, we are trying to stay chill.

WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

tomorrow...eh I have no idea what is going on....going to Lost Angels later with Irene so that should be kick ass.

well kids, gotta go.
Love ya.

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I like what I like.

During therapy on Wednesday, I brought up my mom's visit and something came up about how I really like Japanese Culture and Little Tokyo.

Guys, I got into Japanese culture around the time I was 12. Sometimes I'd watch Channel 18 (it was Japanese time on Sundays and Saturdays) and I would watch the variety shows cuz they reminded me of Sabado Gigante.

I didn't have a lot of friends as a teenager, so I stayed home. A LOT. My mom didn't really let me leave the house. So I stayed home and played video games and watched Japanese shows and draw my comics.....and I did this in adulthood too, I just had no real life. I'd watch my shows or watch my anime and loved Asian cinema. I'd watch Mexican movies with my parents, but it was the same story...some guy thinking he's Charles Bronson shooting up drug lords on a ranch and it's a shoot out.........yes like Machete.

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ANYWAY, point being, I told my therapist I didn't want to be accused of culture appropriation, cuz blogs like Angry Asian man stroke Asian American rage boners into basically telling people you can't like anything that is not your culture ever.

Don't get me wrong, I hate the racist shit people do and think they can get away with at Asians, cuz well Latinos suffer this bullshit too. I don't like when anyone is a racist cock-hole to someone.

But say, some idiotic Tumblr activist that read some race related articles and thinks they know all about race from their suburban home calls me a racist or cultural appropriator, cuz I like and appreciate Japanese Culture, I'd probably be offended. I like all culture honestly, But for some reason, I just really like a lot of Japanese stuff.

Karla full yukata
Me in 2013, at a Japanese festival....seriously hoping no one jizzed hate buckets of cum.

Little Tokyo is my happy place. For some reason, I just was always drawn to it, I try hard not to act "Japanese" or "Wapanese" cuz I don't want to be accused of being a "weeaboo" by prettier people into geeky shit.

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I don't want to be on some blog with people calling me names or saying horrible things about me cuz I want to wear a fucking yukata to a Japanese festival. I dont' want to offend someone or have them think I"m being disrespectful or racist. I don't want someone getting mad at my non Japanese ass wearing a Yukata. CUz all of a sudden, I should just wear a sombrero and that's it.

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someone somewhere is butthurt by this. This was shown to Japanese students and they liked the photo and were asked if they were offended. They weren't. Does it make it ok for me to wear a yukata? Yes. Cuz fuck you. That's why. I'm not acting like a "Japanese" person or being racist. I'm still Karla, and I respect the Yukata the way a Japanese person would. CUZ I KNOW HOW TO READ

I don't want someone to come at me for not being Asian and liking their stuff and knowing about their legends and their good luck charms. I just like it.

Is liking something wrong?

Is it really FUCKING WRONG?????

I want to learn the Japanese language, I have taught myself HOW TO READ JAPANESE, yes bitches, I CAN FUCKING READ IT and I understand some of it. I'm sure if I took a real class, I'd be ok in the language. WHICH I WANT TO FUCKING LEARN.

I also want to learn Italian, Russian, Korean, and Chinese, and French. I also think when you learn a language, you should understand and respect the culture too, and not be a stupid American. I also wanna learn German too, cuz WHY THE FUCK NOT?

YOu see kids, I like American cuz everything is here and I think we should all accept our differences and what makes us special and GET THE FUCK ALONG. Use the talents we all have to work together.

But I guess I'm crazy!

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I mean, I dunno.....I mean cuz I'm Latina, should I just be like this:
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ALL THE FUCKING TIME? WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY????!!!!

I'm Karla. I like what I like. If me liking stuff offends you, sorry you're life sucks.

I don't want to live my life walking on eggshells cuz some clueless TumblrActivists wanna give me shit over just liking something.

I do not want to be accused of being a cultural appropriator, I don't act rude or racist or weird, I don't say the Japanese greetings or sayings before I eat. Cuz I'm not in Japan. I'm in Little Tokyo. If I were in Japan, I'm in their country, then YEAH I would try to blend in and be respectful.

I like the colors and customs, I like the good luck charms, the fashion, and the food OMG THE FOOD. AND THE DESSERTS!

I want to visit Japan badly. It would be a dream come true for me. I thought I was going to go when I was 18, but that never happened, cuz reality. :(

I hope James and I get to go, I REALLY DO. I wanna visit everything.

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These are things that run through my head when I go to Little Tokyo, and I should just simply not give a flying fuck over what someone thinks of me. I'm not one of the "cool kawaii" kids...I'm a loser girl that shows up to shit.

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But anyway, I should really work on not giving a fuck, but I feel like an outcast most of the time..cuz of my looks, cuz of my clothing not being great...it's like high school all over again, It just seems I don't do enough and I wont' amount to much.....SO I get weirded out when people judge me over wearing a yukata, liking Japanese decorations, fashion, and art....

If I do something incorrectly, correct me. BUt don't be a dick.

I incorporate the style of art, with mine, and it makes me happy. Let me just be me

Anyway, had to get that out, been depressed the past few weeks, and it seems to be getting worse.

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Thursday May 14th
Did yoga with Irene. I was chill, I got home. Got emo. James was at work all day, so I did fuck all. I get this way sometimes. I get so worn out from daily life...that I just want to do NOTHING

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I cook foods then eat them.

Friday May 15th
Worked. bused it to the salon, walked from Santa Monica to Melrose on Fairfax, it was a pretty rad walk, and I got to try out this coffee place i've been wanting to check out for some time. I went over to Coffee Commissary and it was super cool and simple. Got my cup to go and continued walking to the salon. Sometimes I do like busing to work so that I can walk home and check out places more. :)

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this has nothing to do with anything, but maybe how I feel when I walk.

I got to the salon to meet up with James, and he did my hair. It's been re-dyed.
IT's crazy, I've had black hair for almost 15 years.......there was a break there, I had red hair in 2008 to try something else, and I regretted it...Fall 2008, my black hair came back, and we've been besties ever since.

So James and I hung out, and then we went home, had dinner. Gene came over and we drove to te Grove to go see </a>Mad MAx: Fury Road So we go see it. IT WAS AMAZING. Yes it was a 2 hour long car chase, but it I enjoyed it for what it was, a good action movie that wasn't lazy and wanted to do something different. Good times.

after the movie stopped, James imitated playing guitar really loud in front of the audience. HAAAAAAAAA Gene and I were like "OK, James snuck in booze!"

SAturday
ohhhhh Saturday. So much happened.

My mom came over, and we went over to Little Tokyo to have some lunch and check out the Hello Kitty Exhibit it was super cool. We had lunch at my favorite place there Las Galas Look, it's CHEAP ass food, and I make sure to orders stuff that they can't fuck up. Sadly the reviews on yelp give it a bad name. :( But I"m also not an expert on what really good food is, how stuff is really supposed to taste like....I'm like "It's cheap, and I've eaten tehre before, and I like it" Maybe we got lucky.

It was great to see the owner :D

Soooooooooooooo here are some pictures from the Hello Kitty show!
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there's my mom

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minatures

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I squeed so hard here.

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yes, she has tarot cards.

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This is not a sex toy

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I was like "OK THEN"


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Angelic Pretty aka Dress I can't fit into or afford

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Lady Gaga


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All 5 Dollar bills need to have this

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Me with ballooooons

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WATCH OUT MOM! ROBO KITTY!

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I want this backpack


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If James and I marry....I want

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My mom assured me this is not a "ball cup" it's a face mask.  It was next to the sports stuff though.

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Hello Kitty hair dryers


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DARK HORSE

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The classic punk hang out for LA in the 80's

As we walked out of the Hello Kitty thing, you are treated through an exhibit for Japanese American culture, and you walk through some of the internment camp stuff. My mom had NO FUCKING IDEA this happened, and it upset her...that something like this would happen in the United States. I'm glad she learned something new, and glad she was a great sport about all the walking we did. :)

We walked around Little Tokyo some more, I got something small, and I got a cake slice, then went home. I'm very thankful things are WAY better between my mom and myself now. It's something we are still both working on.

Aftewards, she took me home, and I sat around and did fuck all. I was tired.

James came home, and we went over to a comedy show that Gabrielle was producing. I hadn't seen Gabrielle since I first met her at Rahul's party. I hope to see him again too. :D But yeah, Urban Dictionary Comedy. The comedy is hilarious. James and Gene and I laughed at some parts. It was great seeing Gabrielle and talking to her for a few minutes. :) Then walked over to The PIkey. Then got back to Miracle Mile and got drunk at Little Bar. Good times were had.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

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BROING OUT

Sunday
Was in a mood. I got to meet up with Irene later at Veggie Grill and we got to hang out a bit.

A bee decided that while I was waiting for a red light on my bike, that I would be a good resting spot. This bee gave NO fucks.

I had to walk over to the curb like a crazy person, and just stand there.
I looked down, and YEP the bee just kept looking up at me......and people passing by had no idea what was going on, so I'm sure they thought I was the new neighborhood homeless psycho.

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The bee flew away. I got to meet up with Irene and Mike. Irene and I had dinner and I got a get a few things from trader Joe's. YAY

Then got home.

Got sad again. Been getting worse actually, because I'm not trying to convince myself to be happy.

I get in those moods. I think people just don't like me. So I get sad.

it's stupid. I've been over emotional lately and just hating my life.

I have good things in my life, just for some reason I don't allow myself to be happy cuz I think I'm just being complacent.

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still better than my life 10 years ago.

LAWD.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAWD

But yeah, I dunno....

I got home...

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thought about some sad shit.

So yeah...that was fun.

Monday
Worked. Got home. James and I got tacos and margaritas. I got drunk.

Tuesday and Wed
Worked.

Had therapy.

I'm gonna do another blog post for the conversation that came up.

Thursday

Had Yoga with Irene. As I was leaving her area, I noticed this pitbull running around, and a couple behind her, I assumed it was their dog.

It wasn't. It was a stray that they didn't want to leave alone. I stayed with them to calm the dog down and to assist.

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The couple and I tried looking for any help and well animal services in LA is pretty useless. And it was during a weekday so most of the people that could assist were working. Thankuflly we all asked for help and this cutie was taken to a shelter. Gonna try to get the impound number to get the word out about this dog



Sadly, I was not able to take it with me, James and I are not allowed to have large dogs in our apartment and well we can't afford to move or afford a larger place.

Thankfully this couple and I cared enough, and they took this dog into their car and dropped it off at the shelter. She's at the East Valley Shelter in Van Nuys. Hoping this dog finds a new home.

Then came home, was online cried some more, and that was it.

bleh...

So hope you enjoyed this post.

later

Just an Update

I work too much, becoming boring

Monday-Wednesday
Worked. I went to the gym Monday, and the cool part was on Wednesday I had therapy.

I kind of had a moment this week, where I'm realizing that I less in common with people I care about. I wish I gave no fucks. But I do.

Also, it is true, when someone does leave Los Angeles, you really won't see them again. You just won't. It's RARE. Cuz sadly the older you get, the harder it is to get out of your life cycle and routine, cuz you have shit to do.

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how I feel when I ask people to wanna hang out... (I'm the guy in the photo)

I HATE reaching out to people. I think most of the time people have no real interest in talk to me. I think what I like is boring and stupid or embarrassing, so this is why I venture alone most of the time. Therapist asked why am I always alone to bike events and other things that are of interest of me......Cuz honestly I don't like bugging people to go with me, I'm too impatient to deal with everyone's stupid schedules, and I can't wait for people to decide if they wanna go with me or not, cuz for some reason people hate committing to plans. ESPECIALLY LA people cuz there is always this stupid notion that something COOLER will pop up.

I get it, sometimes I already have plans and something cooler pops up, but I made plans, so I stick with them. I HATE CANCELING on people.

I also just don't have much in common with a small number of friends and it's starting to bug me. I'm not into stones, crystals, metaphysical stuff, tarot, astrology...I'm JUST NOT INTO IT. I'm sorry.

I like going to bars, I like drinking nice drinks, I like art events and cute anime stuff. I like good food and taking bike adventures. I'm not I REPEAT I AM NOT A SPIRITUAL PERSON. I'm just NOT.

I don't scoff at it. I like Paranormal stuff at least.

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How I feel most of the time.

I sound like Ryan used too....oh god.

It's hard for me to make friends. SURE I can talk to strangers, but then I have to worry about being a fucking creepo

I am feeling like I don't belong anywhere, and I guess this makes me bait for cults.

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I feel isolated. I know people wanna hang. I just am bad at reaching out and my schedule sucks.

My day job exhausts the fuck out of me. I work 10 Hours. I wake up at 6am and don't get hime til about 6:30....sometimes 8 cuz the gym ........so My whole fun time is squished into the weekend. I have to pick what I want to do CAREFULLY.

I have a day off during the week.....but that's my rest time and yoga time....I need a day to recharge....

I also wanna be more involved in art stuff so I can feel like less of a loser.

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me at art events

I think I've gotten boring as well. Nothing really excites me. I'm just bored with a lot of stuff. I enjoy people watching. A lot. I like drawing them in my sketchbook. It's fun and I can exaggerate (not in a mean way) their attitude.

I just been feeling isolated, and it really sucks. I try to attend more art and sketching things, but usually I just wanna go home and rest and just spend time with James. Cuz sometimes on the weekends we don't see each other. :( And we only have like 2 or three hours a night, IF WE ARE LUcky.

I couldn't even stay up late last night cuz I WAS SO FUCKING TIRED.

I don't get 6 hours of sleep Sunday-Tuesday and Thursday Nights.

I'm a very boring person now and not very interesting to talk to.

Why do you think I try hard to make people laugh?

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Anyway, just ranting, maybe someone can give me insights or something....

I have just been unhappy for a while and it's getting to me. Cuz I just can't be interested in a lot of things anymore.........

butts.

Karla and James visit Beverly Hills

Sunday TODAY
Soooooo James and I sorta wanted to have some random adventures today.

this will mostly be a photo post. But we woke up, walked down the street from us to enjoy some lunch, it was pretty yummy.

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WE GOT SOME CRAY SODA too. :D It was a nice walk. Got home, hung out a bit for a breather, then he tried to find some more fun stuff to do.

We went over to Koreatown to check out this place called Awesome Coffee GUYS they make liquid nitrogen ice cream. INSTANT ICE CREAM holy FUCK.

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Loved the decor

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i had this, it was good.

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SALTED CARAMEL NITRO ICE CREAM

James and I re-grouped, and then went back home to figure out what to do next. We decided to check out Beverly Hills parks, cuz well the parks by us are just sorta odd, and we've been there before. So we checked out some little parks in Beverly Hills, we even walked around there a bit and had a snack at M Cafe. Good times. NOthing too exciting.

So James and I were hanging out at parks:

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As we were driving away from the parks to find another one, we saw this icon:

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FUCK YEAH!!!!!! Witch's House in Beverly Hills

sooooooooooo cooooooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!! I have been wanting to see it for such a long time, so I got super stoked. :)

We then went over to Will Roger's Memorial Park Beautiful fountain, koi fish, adorable kids running to their daddy, and turtles and cute puppies.

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James and I enjoyed the nice quiet relaxing time there, beautiful park, and I found out I could bike there, just it would take me some time. :) SO ADVENTURE!

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OH Beverly Hills.

I had never really hung out in Beverly Hills before, I sorta get nervous and scared around Rich people cuz to them I feel I'm some peasant and dont' belong where they are. I was afraid they'd judge me, and call the cops on me for being too ghetto. But it was nice to be in Beverly Hills and not get a panic attack.

James and I headed home, and I got groceries.

Now we are just relaxing and I have to go back to work tomorrow. ARRRGGGGH

Oh well.

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Working and Mom time

Monday
Worked. Went to the gym after. Yep I'm still biking to work.

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me on my way home from work and not dealing with stupid traffic.

James and I watched RuPaul's Dragrace, good show.

slept.

Tuesday
CINCO DE MAYO. I DID NOTHING.
Worked. Came home and knocked out at 8pm. woke up at midnight.
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Waiting for bus 2. :) YAY!!!!!!!!

Nothing too exciting. James and I watched Untucked. So that was cool.

Wednesday
Worked. Therapy.
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nothing too exciting in Therapy, I think the bike riding is helping my stress levels, I wonder if there is a time limit for therapy or am I released? Not sure

But I love going to therapy and counseling. :) It makes me happy.

I just hope I'm not boring my counselor cuz not much is going on. I don't have much of a social life anymore, got rid of some idiots, and some friends moved away....so yeah that's going on. James and I are doing ok right now, which is good. Relationships are hard fucking work. James and I trying to re-communicate and not get too complacent about our lives. It's hard, but we have to keep working at it, because I love him dearly and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He is someone I want there by my side.

I am very needy, have low self-esteem, and need lots of attention and affection. It's not James' job to be my babysitter though, and I have to try to balance this out. You see, my exes were assholes and never really were affectionate with me, especially in public, cuz I guess they were embarrassed of me.
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It's like "I embarrass you? then don't date fat girls you shit head) Like I think one or two weren't embarrassed of me, just I never met their friends or they didn't have friends. James is the first boyfriend whom I've met people he knows and has friends. So yeah, I'm gonna be needy as all hell.

Yes, I'm still messed up from my past relationships. Not like hot mess messed up or like PTSD type shit. Just I feel when James doesn't show me the amount of affection or attention I feel I need, I feel he thinks I'm an ugly ass troll.

He doesn't think I'm a troll. He finds me attractive.

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Me at therapy.

Just I sometimes want other men to find me attractive. I dunno, I grew up ugly and awkward and men found me repulsive from the time I was a teenager to late my 20's. So yeah, I'm gonna be messed up. I sorta joke about it now. Cuz sometimes I feel like a hidden beauty so that I don't completely lose my sanity.
LIKE THEY KNOW I HAVE A BOYFRIEND and don't expect me to cheat. JUST GODDAMNIT FEED MY EGO, FEED IT LIKE A THIRSTY CHICKEN!

And other times, I just don't care, and I'm completely chill.

I'm weird.

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me when I flirt

oh, Please clutch your pearls and judge me all you want. Eat dicks too.

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SOOOOOOOOOOOO yeah, Maybe I should talk about this at therapy, just i get off work and I'm so exhausted from the bike ride, that doesn't really come up.

I got home, and I took James out for dinner.
spent some quality time together. :)

Thursday
Yoga with Irene. Optometrist appointment. My glasses are still good. YAY!

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but I also got fitted for contact lenses. Since I barely want to wear them, I got prescribed "DAILIES"that I can toss after a day. So I get a supply pack to last me a few weeks. SINCE I only wanna wear them occasionally, I love wearing my glasses. Just for some events and some really active things, I wanna wear contacts.

So, they dilated my pupils, and I had to to the grocery store:

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Soooo yeah that was fun trying to go shopping with my depth perception fucked up, but not too bad though. I ran into an old coworker from that job I hated last year, it was cool seeing him. I said hi.

Got home.

DID THIS and THIS
and was amused for a few minutes.

Yeah, I was amused. Fun times.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO then I met up with Heidi and Clarice at this art show for Ruven Afanador the theme was Angel Gitano the Men of Flamenco show. Great stuff. The photos was so beautiful and amazing, and it was great to see naked men. NOT JUST NAKED WOMEN. Beautiful naked men, just being naked men....Heidi, Clarice and I did make a Penis shadow joke.

Jesus Christ this show.........there was so many beautiful people there, I seriously felt like a hideous troll. Los Angeles has a lot of attractive people, cuz well, in the area I live in, people can afford better beauty products, clothes, and food. yes. being attractive here is a Status symbol here too. SO MUCH PRETTIES. I didn't have a panic though, I felt I looked ok, but it was obvious to the door guy I didn't belong there. I didn't have brand name clothes, and I didn't look like a model and I wasn't a celeb.

OK. I saw Janice Dickinson I fucking saw Janice Dickinson. HOLY FUCK. I got excited.

She's my second celeb sighting I've had since I moved here.

GUESS WHO MY THIRD WAS??? AND ON THAT SAME NIGHT??????????

her'e's Claric Heidi and me.

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Heidi noticed someone behind me...she squeed too....Clarice was like OMG


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RU FUCKING PAUL. RU PAUL. YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW I HAD TO KEEP FROM FREAKING OUT!!!

THere is RuPaul, someone I looked up too for the past 20 years...RIGHT BEHIND ME.

RuPaul is RIGHT THERE TO THE LEFT OF ME WITH THE HAT!



RuPaul RIGHT BEHIND ME sadly I"m not as important or beautiful or rich as the cute dude next to him so I went NO WHERE NEAR HIM.

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me inside
it was rad, and I'm glad I didn't have a panic attack being around all those "Boujie" people. Those people make me nervous, cuz I fear they'll just call the cops cuz I don't belong there.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it was an upscale art show, cuz well, those are the people with money so artists have to make shit those people can buy, cuz well, they have the money and space to hang that stuff. I asked Heidi questions about the prints, since this is her career, so it was cool learning about it. :)

Went outside:


We got confused.

We left. They went and had dinner somewhere. I biked home. In the light rain. It was horrifying, but I had my contact lenses on.

Got home. Chilled out with James. Slept.

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Friday
Biked to work. Worked. James had to pick me up, he packed the bike rack in the car, it was tooooooo cold for me to bike home, and he wanted to take me somewhere.

Soooooooooooo ok, James took me to this little burger shack in West Hollywood that was once a huge staple on the Route 66. James took me to Irv's Burgers seriously this place is small but a special burger joint. It's not stupid and pretentious like most of the places in West Hollywood, it's just good food and good people serving it to you. They have a veggie patty, and it was freaking amazing. :) Fresh made food, great fries, and great service, and they are sooooooooooooooooo sweet!!!!!!!!!!!

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I can't wait to go back. :)

It was very sweet of James to take me there :)

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO then we went home, relaxed and Gene came over and we went over to The Bronson Bar to show Beth support for Friday Night Social: Gutter Glitter they played lots of different music, and I liked the idea. I just fucking hate Bronson Bar. Cuz they water down some of their drinks. BUT for some reason, my second drink was stronger than the first. I dunno. maybe I'm just weird, but I loved the music and they had snacks and Beth was a kawaii alien princess. :)

Afterwards we went over to The Mission Cantina across the street. I bought a pitcher of Margaritas....cuz it was a better deal than ordering 3 margaritas.....I got drunk. OMG. But I had water too.

Gene, James, and I are going to Atlanta for the holidays. So I'm excited. We talked about movies and weird stuff.

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This will be us in Atlanta!

I got drunk. Got home. James and Gene went out some more.

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Saturday
My mom came over to hang out for an early Mother's Day fun time. We walked over to The Grove, and she got to see people with cute dogs. Samsung was having a promo here so we stopped and checked it out.


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We then took a photo on a Samsung Galaxy and got a free selfie stick

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yep.

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our prize

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Mom and I testing the Selfie Stick

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Mom and I eating LUnch at Charlie's GOOD FOOD.

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The yummies above are from Normandie Bakery

Great stuff there and the cashier is super cool. I do like 'Lette macarons better though.

sorry. :(

My mom liked these, but likes 'Lette better too. :)

Sooooooooooooo yeah. Mom got to have a nice time walking with me around The Grove and the Farmer's Market. She hadn't ever been there before, so she enjoyed herself.

Had a nice walk home.

MOm drove home safely.

I went out to Ruin later to meet up with Irene, Mike J., BVS, Andrea, Sidecar, Daniel, Jen, and more peeps.

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Mike picked me up (we are neighbors practically)

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Jen and I are twinsies

Good times were had that night. I basically just drank and smoked the entire night. I don't really dance, but it's the only place I see peeps now, cuz I can't afford to hang out with people at different times.

I got home, watched STeven Universe, James came home and we slept.

Sunday get it's own blog cuz fun stuff. :)

Later kids!

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Bikes and Tales and Art!

Tuesday
Worked.

I was waiting for my bus, saw some shitty driving....look, guys, most people in LA just cannot and should not drive a car......but sadly we are such a car culture here, that they let anyone have a driver's license.

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Actual driving in Los Angeles

Sooooooooooo I see this shit happen, and I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK?" Bus Driver and few other people saw this and were like "GURL! WHO RAISED YOU?"

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Yeah...seriously, I don't know how half of the people have made it this far in life.....Like I really don't know.

I got home, chilled out, drew. Slept..

Wednesday
Worked. Biked to therapy. Getting better at using San Vicente to bike home, it' s a little scary, but at least I have a bike lane there and feel somewhat safer than my old route that only has room for one car at a time.

Therapy was cool, talked about some things that bother me.

I really honestly hate it when my well meaning friends tell me they are "worried" about me. I get it you are worried, and that's awesome. I love you for it, but if I have a bad day, don't think I'm not doing everything I can to control my rage.

It makes me feel like people aren't seeing any progress I made with myself over the past year and a half. I have bad days. I do have anger issues. I don't have many outlets to let it out right away, it's like a bad fart. I ride my bike to work so I don't have a rage boner everyday. It's to seriously calm me down, cuz I need the physical activity for the endorphin high so I don't go fucking psycho.

I don't want to be compared to some other hot mess I used to know that can't control her emotions. I'm sure I'm not, but when I hear things like that, it makes me feel like I'm one rage boner away from being some hot mess that I seriously do not want to be like at all.

Guys, I have REALLY LOW SELF-ESTEEM. I feel like I'm being talked down to when someone says that to me. and I KNOW it's not meant to hurt my feelings. I Know people that have stated that "I am worried about you" LEGIT MEAN IT and would never do ANYTHING to hurt me.
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But it gets me. I gets me bad and makes me feel like I'm doing something bad and that I am a bad person. Like I'm not DOING EVERY FUCKING THING POSSIBLE TO GET RID OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT I DEAL WITH EVERYDAY. I get ragey when it's not necessary, I do. I really do, cuz I really have no faith in most people and I don't like most people and I don't want people acting like idiots. The thing, most people don't act like idiots, I am just scared they will.

It's lame. I know. Judge me for it.

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Anyway, yeah, therapy was about that, and other stuff that I need to keep private right now, but I feel like I sure have done a lot to make things easier for some people...and it's still not enough, and it's getting to me...JUST LIKE MY FAMILY!

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LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD

Anyway, yeah..........had to let that out and this is really the only place I can, cuz on FAcebook I'm adding new people and well I'm being watched on there and mother fuckers have to give stupid opinions about how stupid they think I am, so I rather not deal with it......cuz my deleting pimp hand is strong.

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I do have anger issues.....I have to calm that shit down...my road rage has gone down thankfully......cuz well I'm mostly on a bike and have to calm myself down. I don't have outbursts anymore and I don't flip people off. I make sure to let the cars know that I am aware they are around and that I will move.

I also feel ugly most of the time. I know I'm cute. Just there are times I feel like I'm the most hideous troll ever and I should just be considered grateful I have a nice boyfriend.

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I know. yay Self Esteem!

I got home from therapy, James and I went out for dinner, and then came home and watched some tv together. :)

Thursday
Yoga with Irene.

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saw this hottie on the way to Irene's

Came Home. I think I did fuck all and cleaned up and that was it.

Friday
Worked.
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My new parking spot for my bike at work...yep, I get to keep my work desk.
Thankful for that.

Got home. Mike J. picked me up.

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We passed this and laughed like 12 year olds.

Mike and I got to Irene's gig at Studio Iqaat for the MayDay Mayhem!! it was a great time, I actually got to do caricatures and sold a comic. yay! Sold some drawings too :)



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my vending area <3





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contest winner

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D. bought her one :) 

I was seriously touched talking about my comics and what I do. I want to be a cartoonist full time some day, but have to work the day job for a while, because I like the stability from it. I shouldn't be judged for it either.
But hey, I got to talk about my comic, so that made me happy now Have to come up with something good :D

Good times were had Friday. YAY!

Got home, and James and I watched Beasts of The Southern Wild, We are gonna finish it tonight :)

Saturday
Woke up.

Paid rent. Rode my bike to the store. Got some stuff. yay.

Picked up Irene, and we drove to a party near her at Stephen E. and Jen's place. good times were had, Great group of folks. It was his son's birthday so that was cool. Nice dude, and his band is rad. I hope to hear them play live.

Lots of Gothic and PUnk/Deathrocker people showed up actually dressed up for the club....I'm like in a Tshirt and shorts looking like a chud....loooool...Irene gave 0 fucks, so that was rad.

SAw Sid, Robert, his gf, Sid's wife, Eric S., his lady, lots of doggies, lots of Manthers, lots of kind and sweet people and lots of yums. I saw Natasha, I was like "OH SNAP!" her hair changed color and length from the last time I saw her.

Met the coolest baby ever

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Sid took this photo. I sent it to James and Gene, and Gene was like NO!

Dogs were running around, it was adorable
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Good times, Good food, and good people, a great way to spend a Saturday Night.

Drove home

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saw this try hard...

It's like "EVERYONE DRIVE LIKE A DUMBASS" day yesterday.

Got home. Knocked out.

Sunday TODAY so far
James and I woke up and he took us out for breakfast at this cafe on Pico called Nick's Coffee Shop a 1940's era dining place, and the food was AMAZING OMG!OHHHHHHHHHHHHH LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD and it's great cuz they don't have an attitude, and the guy at the counter, I think the owner, and everyone there actually greets you with a smile. It's really amazing.

The food takes a bit, but it's worth it, and they get packed and have one grill, so be patient, it's worth it. :)

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James thought they'd make a great couple.

We went to look at couches, didn't find one.

THen we came home and then went over to the NKLA Adoption event and we saw doggies and kitties. James feels we would be better for a cat. Dogs are sadly too much for us, and sadly we are not home a lot of the time. I guess that's why I want to work from home if at all possible in the future.........cuz If I'm a cartoonist at home, and make money, we can move to larger place and have a dog......I dunno..I'm weird and I think dogs need a backyard to play in.

I cried a bit, cuz I wanted to adopt all the animals. :( I fell in love with this cute corgi and this beautiful black cat......one cat looked like Wallace, but he was adopted. I was happy for that cat. :)

James and I then went to Larchmont to get some coffee at Go Get Em Tiger and the coffee is delicious OMG.

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Got a new pencil bag and some macarons too. :)


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Good times.

Came home, James has to work so I'm gonna work on a comic the rest of the night.

I just have to figure out a good story for it. LOOOOOOOOOOL!

Well kids, wish me luck.

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what I kinda wanna do right now...but wont.

Karla's Birthday!

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Saturday
My mom came over to visit, and we had a nice little lunch in the Larchmont district, we went over to get some Pinches Tacos Mom seemed to enjoy it.

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Walked around a bit and had my mom try macarons :) she liked them. We had a good talk about life and things and I just want her to be happy.

I need to visit my sister Mariana REALLY FUCKING SOON cuz it's driving me nuts, she lives in another state. SOOOOOOOOO yeah, had cupcakes too.....too much sweets. ugh

I ate so much I need to do this:
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hahahahah I'll never look this good.

SOOOOOOO after that, mom drove me home, we hung out a bit, I showed how to check some stuff on her Ipad. So yay.

It was a nice visit with her. :)

After, I had to bathe and get ready I was still feeling odd, just I dunno, I think about a lot of stuff. LIke HOw upset I was over the fact that I'm 34 now and I can't really do the kawaii thing much anymore without feeling creepy about it. I missed out on being lolita and super kawaii, due to finances and just not knowing many others. It is kinda lame. Oh well. I never really got to have my 20's.

I act VERY child-like. It's a defense thing.

Got ready, Seraph Films had a party for me and movie night showing one of my fave movies Shaun of the Dead FUCK YEAS! and I finally put on that black lipstick I got a few months go:

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I'm wearing black lipstick, I feel like a teenage goth

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NO really I was afraid of how I'd look with black lipstick, cuz well I didn't wanna look like a sad gothic tragic mess
that gives blowjobs at the Denny's parking lot at 3am telling me about how she blew Rozz Williams that one time
after you have to scrape her ass off the goddamn floor of Coven 13.


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Yep.

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I EVEN DID A SUPER GOTH PHOTO. FAP TO THIS.

No seriously, I haven't worn black lipstick in soooooooooo long, it was pretty rad to do it again. Naw, this isn't something I wanna do more often, just I enjoyed it, and for anything I'll probably do it again, but I'll saw, Black Lipstick is a pain n the ass for maintenance, cuz after you've had a few, it wipes off. Seriously, people are gonna think you're giving bj's in the bathroom.

I felt I looked good. so go me.

We got to Nvionate Studios, Gene and Nick were still setting up.

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James and I heading to Ralph's where I got treated differently for wearing black lipstick. Guess anything black scares people in "The VAlley"
ohhhhhhhhh I felt young again!

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Sadly the world wants you to be a basic bitch.

IT was hilarious.

We got back to the party hung out with peeps.


People started showing up. Mike J., got me an art box. FUCK YEAS! M. and M. got me art store stuff. :D I met more peeps, Mark W. Got me ABSINTHE! and David L. got me wine and his adorable son made me a bad ass card.

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I got to hang with peeps, see peeps, Bvs came, and Andrea came, we talked a lot, made comments about the movie. IT was cute. Lawrence came as well, he hung out a bit. I got to meet Vegan Lawrence too, we've been friends on Facebook for a while, he's super cool. HE MADE COOKIES HOLY FUCK THEY WERE GOOD.

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i am drunk and the party was over at this rate, it was just a movie night and chill, not a crazy crazy thing.

Fun times. I got to be social a bit. Movie was fun. James, Gene, and Johnny were sitting on the floor together at one point it was kind of cute.

Good times. I got greetings and hugs. YAY!

It was late, I was tired as fuck. Hung out with James and Gene over at Gene's a bit to visit the kitties. I got one more Gin and Tonic in me.

This happened:

I partied too hard. (Not really. I'm a geek)

Woke up, James drove us home. We texted Gene to let him know we made it home safe.

OMG YOU GUYS GENE GOT PUPPETS TO SING on a video for my birthday! FUCK YEAS!

To everyone, thank you for the happy birthday wishes on that day.

It means a lot to me.

Sunday MY BIRTHDAY
James and I woke up, we drove over to Canter's to have birthday breakfast. Um....our server was new, she was nice, but she made my cappuccino really bad. I didn't wanna deal, but whatevs, I forced myself to drink as much as I could.

Walked around Fairfax for a bit, cuz fuck it, why not?

Went over to Bark N Bitches, we have been toying with the idea of adopting a dog
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The little white and black dog was adorable. I hope they all find safe and happy forever homes. :)

Got home, and got ready.

We were headed over the KXLU FEST and it kicked ass. Lots of cool music, great place to be had, and the people were sweet, and they had bathrooms! :D

Great music, and great times spent with James.

Ran into Liz O. And her husband. Good times. Saw the girl from Zine fest there too, that was rad. the Giant Robot booth was there too. Checked out an art show.

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how I told Liz O to find me.

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The Muffs

We were in the sun, had our umbrella, walked around a lot, enjoyed the festival and best of all, it was free.

Good times were had, and then James and I went to Little Osaka and had dinner at Curry House. :) yay!

Got home, chilled out...I think James and I watched some shows? Not sure. We were so tired and out of it when we got home, all we wanted to do was relax.

Today
Laundry, groceries, and cleaned up apartment a bit.

Walked around and found place having a sketchbook contest near me. I went over to Temporary Space LA and I wanna enter this contest. :D

I entered Sketchbook Contest they are hosting....and well if you draw and live in the LA area, COME DO THIS :D WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want more art scene in Miracle Mile and I want to be a part of it.

GUYS I'm going to ART EVENTS WTF!!!!??? I'm even sorta VENDING FRIDAY AT A THING AT STUDIO IQAAT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I introduced myself as a cartoonist to the girl serving the coffee at The Foundation she was super sweet and I mentioned I was a cartoonist, and was like "HEY COOL!" so I gave her my site.

Bitches love my site.

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Well kids, James and I are just chilling out. I am still with the birthday hangover...like I'm happy it went great, and now back to real life again.

oh well.

Wish me luck kids.

Shoes! omg SHOES! and BLISTERS!

Sunday
James and  I decided we needed to buy shoes, cuz well our shoes are falling apart, and we need to buy some, so we went to Off Broadway (Cuz fuck spending money we don't have) to get some shoes.

We stopped by to get coffee, and this Bulldog collapsed, on this lady while she was walking it, she felt like shit, James and I helped her, and we watched her dog so she can get something cold for the dog to drink.

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I fell in love with that little face, the dog was worried, but I kept the dog safe, and was guiding him where his "mommy" was. Some of the patrons of the cafe thought it was cute and took pictures of me with the dog. I just wanted to keep the dog calm.

The lady came back, and thanked us. We let her use our seats so she can sit down, and we left. Her bulldog was sooooo cute.

James and I made it to Off Broadway to get shoes, they didn't have black boots or red flats that I wanted, so I have to check again, but I got 1 pair of shoes and a pair of boots.

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Me finding boots.

James and I then went to Ross...on purpose.....OK look, THe Ross in Hollywood is usually a war zone for clothing, cuz well lots of fobs go there to buy clothing and get deals on purses. And most people out here can't afford to shop at boutiques.

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How to shop successfully at Ross in Hollywood.

I got some work pants and a fun bright yellow Betsey Johnson purse for like 20 bucks. There were some fancier ones there, but I didn't want to buy them, cuz I didn't wanna pay more for it. I'm a cheap ass (Look: Working Class, meaning I'm one level of human being above Welfare mom)

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Happy with our finds, James and I headed home, he got some shorts.

Got home, tried nappying. Later on I drove to Irene's and we made it over to DTLA's Lost Angels I love that venue, they serve beer and wine and whiskey and there is THIRST.

A good time was had, We were greeted at the door by the lovely Victoria Lane, and we saw Eric S, and later on Heidi and VK came and OMG I got super excited cuz I haven't seem them in forever cuz well, I'm kind of a shitty friend, I hate leaving the house and have a hard time reaching out to people. Just sometimes I like being alone and going through stuff I'd rather deal with myself.

BUT YEAH it was great to leave the house and spend some time drawing Irene as she modeled. I am gonna post those drawings later.

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The Burlesque performance by Miss Miranda AMAZING! loved her performance. SHE HAD GLITTER and we contemplated rolling around on the floor for the glitter.

Lots of conversation was had, I had to get up early the next day, so we left. I dropped Irene off, and I got home safely.

Monday
worked.
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Me at work.

Tuesday
Woke up to a horrifying text message. My friend S. is alive thankfully.
Here: Suicide Prevention Resource Center Please.
B. was in town, she let me know what happened. she picked me up from work and we went to Canter's to have a talk about everything and what had taken place.

Bused it to work. According to app, bus was gonna be 30 minutes late....I was wearing new boots........breaking them....decided "I'll jsut take ANOTHER BUS! WHAT CAN GO WRONG?" Yeahh...............I walked up the hill from Santa Monica Blvd to get to Sunset......my feet were killing me and I couldn't walk most of hte day at work cuz my feet were killing me. FUCK.

had some bad blisters.

Adulthood maaaaaaaaaaaan................just.......fuck.
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Seriously, I wish sometimes that life wasn't set out to destroy some people.

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I never want to be in the position where I would think that taking my life would be the only way out. I have had suicidal thoughts before....but I was never into self harm really........but if there was a button to push to where I just disappear, and I would be gone from everyone's memory, I'd be ok with it. BUT I don't have thoughts like that anymore. And if you think that's weak or pathetic of me, fine. Don't care. I hope to one day live a life as a great and strong as you.

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BUT YEAH, heavy stuff during our convo, but glad I was able to see my friend B.

We also had coffee at another Fairfax place called Open Space it was pretty rad, and we foudn otu they have shows there. Maybe i'll draw with friends there? who knows.

B. Took me home.

I watched Tv.

WED
Worked. Biked to therapy. I took a faster and I admit scarier route, but sadly I have to be fast to get to therapy, I am just VERY CAREFUL and there is a LEGIT bike lane on San Vicente, so I'm hoping the cars know THAT BIKES USE THIS.

I got to therapy on time,had a great session. Told therapist about what happened to my friend and how it affected me, and how my heart broke knowing that a friend was going through so much pain. I guess I'm sensitive, but y'know, people shit their pants when they hear that word.

But, yeah.....I just......I can't make someone feel how I hate feeling. I can't. I don't get a boner or tingle in my anus when I'm mean to someone. I just don't like it, and I'm not saying this cuz I think I'm better than.....wait. yeah I am better than someone who likes to hurt and attack people.....I am better. What the fuck is wrong with you that you have to be a goddamn predator to people? JEEZUS. Sorry your parents sucked. But this predatory thing people do now to each other is really gross. I get it, I get it, people have been dicks forever.......blah blah blah, but I don't have to be one.

I'm mean if I have to be. But IT's not my "Go TO" to attack a stranger that was just minding their own business. Sure I say awful things when people are driving, but meh. I don't attack someone that has less than me. IT won't make me feel better, and I'll still be in the same position as before.

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SO YEAH...

Got home. Watched tv with James. :)

Thursday
Worked.

Got home. Rested.

Friday
Worked. Biked Home. Mike J picked me up We headed over to Andrea's birthday being held at The Edendale
We got there, greeted Andrea, saw Tim, Amit and his girlfriend Lisa, Sidecare came in, some other people, BVS, and then John. There was jokes about farting on missions and boobs and Goth things, and possibly offending people...and going "Hi, do you remember who I am?" sorta things.......

It was a fun ass night, great stories and SWAN PENIS


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The Birthday girl :D Andrea! WOOOOOOO!!!!
Mike, Tim, and I left, I got dropped off. Good times. Was tired.

The Birthday post is coming, I'm fucking tired.

LAter kids.